Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau
I received a distressed email from one of my new community members this morning raising his concerns of feeling tired, lost and miserable. He is going through some tough times in his life and feels like nothing is going right for him and regardless of any self-help support he somehow feels the pain he's going through now. It awakened something in me today because I have gone through this journey myself and I can relate to his feeling of where he is right now in his life and wish he took on board of what I shared with him this morning.
Another day, another working day lost, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.
This was how most of my mornings went when I was in my early 30s . I had been motivated by the promise of college and university, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a university degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness we all crave.
It was my belief, and perhaps my parents’ as well, that I would head off to have the proverbial college and university experience and in the process I would become a chemist or doctor or some sort of government official or even work in investment banks. That I would just wake up one day and say, “Aha! I know what I want to do for the rest of my life!” But that morning epiphany never came.
All that happened was a continuous cycle of partying, all night study sessions, followed by a complete and utter lack of fulfillment. But I still kept my focus and somehow completed my higher masters degree too in Business. I bought my own place, had 2 degrees to my name, proud parents, but I felt a deep sense of lost and confusion.
It was one of the most trying times in my life simply because I realized that my life had been on autopilot- pleasing my parents, community and reached what my community expected me to achieve.
Everything about my future was ambiguously assumed. I would get into debt by going to college, then I would be forced to get a job to pay off that debt, while still getting into more and more debt by buying a house and a car. It seemed like a never-ending cycle that had no place for the possibility of a dream.
I wanted more—but not necessarily in the material sense of personal wealth and success. I wanted more out of life. I wanted a passion, a conceptual dream that wouldn’t let me sleep out of pure excitement. I wanted to spring out of bed in the morning, rain or shine, and have that zest for life that seemed so intrinsic in early childhood.
We all have a dream. It might be explicitly defined or just a vague idea, but most of us are so stuck in the muck of insecurity and self-doubt that we just dismiss it as unrealistic or too difficult to pursue.
We become so comfortable with the life that has been planned out for us by our parents, teachers, traditions, and societal norms that we feel that it’s stupid and unsafe to risk losing it for the small hope of achieving something that is more fulfilling.
“The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru
Don’t take me wrong though; taking a risk is still a risk. We can, and will, fail. Possibly many, many, many times. But that is what makes it exciting for me. That uncertainty can be viewed negatively, or it can empower us.
Failing is what makes us grow, it makes us stronger and more resilient to the aspects of life we have no control over. The fear of failure, although, is what makes us stagnant and sad. So even though I couldn’t see the future as clearly as before, I took the plunge in hopes that in the depths of fear and failure, I would come out feeling more alive than ever before.
And I did. It took some time and some unwanted introspection, but out of the loneliness of my full time job, I came out with a bright light of creativity and personal belief in starting my own first business back in 2008.
I had always loved networking and as people person have the chance to match people together in business or introduce with like minded people together for mutual benefit, but the task of setting up a matching business just seemed too daunting and cumbersome for a late 20s something guy, who never thought about starting a business ever. So I began partnering with another joint venture partner fine-tuning my craft. And then I slowly began incorporating my own style on it and my passion for professional matching people platform was instilled.
My experience doesn’t entail that you should immediately drop out of everything you are doing right now or quit your job.
I have gone through tough times during the last 6 years trying to run my passion start up while also maintaining my consultancy business full time and to bring it to play, I had to give up that business in 2013, when I went through some testing personal times when I almost lost everything. But I still didn't give up until the bitter end and for a while I didn't know what else to do, because it's been one of my passions for some 6 years of my life.
I decided to take a complete year out from any new business ideas while working in my consultancy business which was never my passion in the first place. But sometimes you need to give yourself some time out and be in the moment to discover your true-self before making another important decision.
What it does mean is that if you feel lost, just take a deep breath and realize that being lost can be turning point of finding out who you truly are and what you truly want to do.
That's exactly what I did folks! I've just started another new venture a month ago and I am more positive and energetic than ever before and can't wait for the unknown challenge awaits for me on the other side as I start my new journey! But this is exactly what excites me most!
I still struggle, I still feel lost at times. I’ve cried and I’ve felt embarrassed. I’ve felt like a failure and I’ve felt pity from others and from myself. But I’m beginning to be at peace with myself more and more every day and now I don’t even need an alarm to get up in the morning.
I just fall asleep thinking about the people I hold close to my heart and my music, and that brings me more excitement than anything I could have ever imagined.
Life is amazing. I believe we’re here to find happiness, and when we do, to share it with everyone we meet.
So don’t be afraid to lose yourself. The individual that comes out of the maze might just surprise you.
Please share your own stories and let's work together to bring happiness and sense of belonging to strangers, friends and family!
